Day 6

List 5 ways to win your heart.

1st. I don’t like this one.. I don’t need to give people the ideas of how to be fake to draw me in.. eventually the real  you will always show and you would’ve wasted your and my time.. im not about that life.. but for the sake of this writing challenge…

  1. Understand that before I am a  girlfriend or friend, I am a mother. If I have to cancel plans or reschedule something because of anything related to my child and you give me grief about it, the chances of seeing me again are slim. If you are understanding and respectful I will feel the relief I need. He is my forever, you aren’t a guarantee.
  2. Don’t have the expectations of changing me. Lets be honest, I don’t change for anyone. Im hard headed and stubborn and you wont be able to change that. So if you can love me for who I am, exactly the way I am, ill love you 10x harder.
  3. Show an interest in the parts of my life that don’t involve you. Ask about my day at work, how my kid is, how my friends are doing if ive talked about them.. these are all important aspects of my life and to show in interest in something that isn’t just our relationship shows me you could be around for the long run.
  4. Don’t make it about sex. Let me clarify this.. obviously sex is important in any relationship and a physical connection needs to be a strong one. However, for me to become fully involved with someone I need to know we can just be together, without being together. If we cant make it through a movie without your hands down my pants or if we cant cuddle without you immediately making the moves towards sex, then I wont see a long term thing going with you. Life gets complicated and things happen. I need to know that the person im with, can just spend time with me and still be just as happy.
  5. Be openminded. I hate to argue and to have to prove a point.  Its just not what im into. This means that I need someone who is open minded. I can have a different view than you, a different opinion, different morals and beliefs. Don’t try to “prove your right”, I don’t care. Im 28 years old and have made my choices for reasons. You wont change my views. So respect mine, ill respect yours and we will live happily.
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Day 2

Write something someone told you about yourself that you’ll never forget.

“You always sabotage all your relationships because you think you can control the pain instead of finding happiness”

This was said to me about 5 years ago and it really stuck with me pretty hard. I have a hard time putting trust in relationships. I always feel like its just a ticking time bomb till something bad happens or till someone falls out of love. But in reality it ended because I didn’t have the faith and its true, I sabotaged them. I looked for something wrong, I got jealous for no reason, accused with no validation, found something wrong in any man that came my way. Even went through some times of cheating.. just because something was off in the relationship… at least that’s what id tell myself. it wont last forever so whos cares? I have a tendency to ruin things in my own way… unintentionally on purpose in a way. I didn’t want to believe that anything could be forever and I didn’t want to get hurt so I screwed things up on my terms so I wasn’t ever the hurt one.

I try my hardest not to be this way anymore.. I try not to overreact and I try not to look for a reason that something would fail. I try to keep the faith and have recently started putting more trust in people. I have to learn that not everyone is out to hurt me. not everyone would break my heart.

its a hard lesson to learn. this statement was said to me by an amazing guy who went though my phone and caught me talking to another guy. it actually hurt me that I hurt him and that made me rethink a lot. I do things much differently now. and if this guy is ever reading this… thank you. for saving my future relationships.